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Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Cashier Comedy

Every now and then I eat lunch at the campus cafeteria. Actually, it's not really a cafeteria. It's more like a food court a mall, with different fast food places.

By the time I get there, pretty much everything is closed except Chick Fil-A.

I've had A LOT of Chick Fil-A.

Anyway, there's a limited variety of interchanges I have with the cashier, and they usually involve one or both of the themes below.

The Booze Theme
Cashier: "What's your drink?" she asks, pointing to the clear liquid in my cup, because she can't tell if it's Sprite, water or a colorless urine sample.
Me: "It's vodka. I'm hoping to be hammered in about an hour." (It's usually water. Anything else makes me pee like a mofo.)

The Card Confusion Theme
My student ID card has several magnetic stripes, and I'm not sure I understand what they all do or mean. You can somehow put money on them and buy stuff, but I never seem to understand how it works.
Cashier: "Do you want this to come from your declining balance or meal balance."
Me: "Um, meal, I guess."
Cashier: She zips the card. "It says you have zero balance."
Me: "I just put $20 on it yesterday?!"
Cashier: "Maybe you put it on the declining balance."
Me: "Kind of like my grades, huh. Sure, try declining."
Cashier: "Your declining account also has zero. Maybe you put the money on your vending account."
Me: "Can I pay with my vending account?"
Cashier: "No."
Me: "Can I transfer money from one account to another?"
Cashier: "No."
Me: "I'll just pay in cash. I think I'm gonna need that vodka now."

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