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Sunday, May 25, 2003

Chapped Ass Film Reviews

The Piano Teacher

It's in French but is set in Vienna. Erika is a 40-something piano teacher at a music academy and is, well, a real hardass on her students.

She lives with her mother. Even sleeps in the same bed with her.

A romance ensues with one of her younger students. But it appears Erika has an S&M/kinky/humiliation kind of infatuation, and things get weird.

A disturbing film, but then I like that kind of thing. The only thing that bugged me was the ending.

One Hour Photo

Robin Williams plays the manager of a photo processing department of a large discount store. He develops an unhealthy infatuation with a family whose photos he develops.

An okay movie, but it's hard to rank it anywhere near The Piano Teacher on the Disturb-O-Meter.


Sprokets isn't a movie, but it should be. It's the "West German Television" variety/artsy/discussion/uberweltschmerz show hosted by "Dieter" and "Klaus," his monkey. Of course, this was all just the creation of Saturday Night Live comedian Mike Myers.

One of Dieter's topics was something he called "Germany's Most Disturbing Home Videos." Dieter made liberal use of the word "disturbing."

So now, years after Dieter quit making his appearances, I still love to say of a film, "It was very distuuuuuuurbing." Then, like Dieter, I say, "Now's ze time on Shprockets when vee dahnce." And I do robot dancing to imaginary synth music.

Oh, and here's a transcript of a portion of a Sprockets episode.

Dieter: It has been a very busy week here in Berlin. Jourgen von
Keitel's exhibit "Scabs On Canvas" opened at the Schussel Calle,
the Gertrude Bromf troupe previewed their performance in wax at the
Theater of Unhappiness, and the Berlin wall was dismantled. For the
masses the wall's collapse represents freedom and opportunity. But
for me, it is a chance to meet the most brilliant countercultural
filmmaker in the East, Gregor Voss. Seen here on East German
television last year, Voss, the suppressed visionary whose films
include "The Dead Coat", "Irritant Number 4", and "Here Child,
Finish Your Nothing", he entered the West three days ago, and has
agreed to appear on Sprockets and speak with me, his greatest fan.
Please welcome Gregor Voss.

D: Welcome to Sprockets, Gregor Voss.

GV: Whoo! Yah, is great to be here, Dieter.

D: Gregor Voss, your presence intimidates me to the point of
humiliation. Would you care to strike me?

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