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Sunday, October 13, 2002

Doctor's Office Visit

My wife's been feeling sick for the last several days. I won't say she's a hypchondriac, but she is one of those people who likes to have a name or diagnosis attached to her ailment.

She did some brief searching on the Web and decided she had mononucleosis. I thought it best to seek out a professional opinion and drove us both to the doctor.

The doctor's office waiting room had the usual selection of long-out-of-date magazines, so I flipped though a catalogue of health education supplies such as CPR dummies and anti-smoking posters.

But the company offered much more interesting things, such as:

A rubber penis for praciticing inserting a catheter.

A model of different kinds of cacerous cervixes.

Real pig's lungs that, using a hand-operated air pump, can be made to "smoke" cigarettes and illustrate the damaging effects of tobacco.

Rubber vaginas through which you can "deliver" a baby.

More rubber pensis for practicing rolling on a condom. The penis has a syringe pump that can filled with the contents of a jar of "simulated semen." The end result mimics ejaculation.

Plenty of colon models.

A little scrotum with "irregular" testicles that help you learn how to identify testicular cancer. The scrotum is attached to a card you hang in the shower to remind you to do a self-exam.

Rubber breasts. Same deal as the fake scrotum above, only for breast cancer.

Fake rotten teeth, to demonstrate the result of bad dental hygiene.

Fake brains and fake blood in a jar, to demonstrate the effects of a gunshot wound to the head.

I hated putting the magazine down to get my exam.

By the way, we don't have mononucleosis. It's just a garden-variety virus.

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