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Saturday, July 16, 2005

Tagged

I've been tagged by Kristiv for "what is on your bed stand."

Lamp (with cat fur on the shade)
Clock radio
Flashlight
Remote control for a VCR
Newsweek magazine
My watch (which, come to think of it, I should wind before it stops running and I have to reset it)
Pen (which I sometimes use, late at night, to try to draw anchor tattoos on my wife's arm)
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Thursday, June 23, 2005

I really like it that Elizabeth Vargas has been anchoring ABC News in Peter Jennings' absence.

Is that so wrong?
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Friday, March 18, 2005

My Dad the Slumlord

I say that jokingly.

My dad owns some houses he rents to people, and one family just moved out. So I'm headed to my dad's town for the weekend to help him get it ready to show to the next renters.

I'm kinda looking forward to seeing him.
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Friday, March 11, 2005

Yet More Inlaw Expressions

You didn't ask for this, but open wide and take your medicine. Here are yet more true expressions from my inlaws, complete with translations. Warning: some are politically incorrect.

You can wish in one hand and shit in the other, and see which one fills up faster.
Translation: You should work hard to get the results you want rather than merely wishing for them.

Would I choose my right nut or my left nut?
Translation: Would I choose my right hand or my left hand? If pressed, I'd be unable to choose, because each is important.

Every nigger gets a day off.
Translation: Even a hardworking person who suffers many disadvantages deserves a break.

Every squirrel gets a nut.
Translation: Even a hardworking person who suffers many disadvantages deserves a break.

I'm not your Stepin Fetchit.
Translation: Why don't you do it yourself? I'm not doing your boring, demeaning task that is better suited to a racial minority of the Jim Crow era.(Stepin Fetchit was a movie actor who protrayed stereotypical black characters.)

Lincoln freed the slaves.
Translation: I'm not doing your boring, demeaning task that is better suited for involuntary labor.

I'll add more later, if I remember any.
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Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Every Pussy Has a Corner

My wife has some colorful expressions she learned from her mother.

Many of them confuse me.

For example, earlier today Mary was talking about assignments at her job, and she said, "Every pussy has a corner."

Me: What does that mean, "Every pussy has a corner?

Mary: It means everyone has a place.

Me: Oh. But cats don't like corners. They prefer to sleep on furniture, which would be along walls, not in a corner.

Mary: You're being too literal.

Me: But if your pussy/employee analogy is going to work, shouldn't there be a logical link between the two? For example, if you say, "You can kill two birds with one stone," there's a direct link between the saying and the concept of using fewer resources to accomplish a goal.

Mary: You're making it too complicated.

Me: I'm just trying to understand the cat/corner-employee/job thing.

Mary: The "pussy" here isn't a cat; it's a woman.

Me: Oh. Well, I'm still not sure I get it.

My mother-in-law has other expressions, such as, "Pushing the peanut," which means to move bit by bit in the direction of a larger goal.
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Links That Won't Cause Itching, Flaking:
Bitchen!
Flowerhead
Kristiv's Weird Existence
Half Mad Spinster
Confessions of an Anglophile
Lilly Wonka
Jeannie's Beans
Swirly Girl

Chapped Facts:
Chapped Ass FAQ
100 Things About Me


WWW Chaps My Ass
Cincinnati Area Weather:
The WeatherPixie
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